She Posts the Men She Dates Publicly - Here's Her Philosophy

Well, and he said,

… Scott Leese: for god knows how long

… Julie Xander: "Well, I'll kill myself before that."

Oh, that's good.

Right.

That's a good strategy.

Well, I mean, respectfully, that might've been a red flag that you-

… might, maybe should have left that-

Right, right

… Scott Leese: a little sooner potentially.

Well, that really… You know what?

that was the end.

Yeah.

'Cause I'm like, "You don't care about me enough to want to be around

for me, so, where do I fit in this?"

Hey, everyone, Mike Lindstrom.

What's your story?

My man, Scott Leese.

I'm excited about today, man.

Yeah.

We're loving bringing in guests for the second time.

Cool.

This is something we've not had a chance to do, being a younger podcast.

We're gonna have to have, like, a jacket or something,

Oh, like an SNL?

Like an SNL.

Oh.

Like, once you've been here five times, you have to have, a thing.

So the next guest, we gotta get her along, for the third or

fourth time, and then we'll get, the fourth-time jacket for the podcast.

Yeah, we gotta get a… We have to have a thing.

I like where you're going with that.

Gotta get a thing.

I like where you're going with that.

So we always like to bring on people, number one, that are exciting, cool,

relevant, all that stuff, but also the people who've had changes in their life,

and she's only been a couple months here, but a lot of life change we thought would

be absolutely relevant for anybody in the dating world, the business world.

She's got a book coming out, so we wanna talk about that.

So without further ado, Julie Zander.

So what's been going on with you, girlfriend?

Thanks for having me back.

Yes.

So fun.

I loved being on the first time, so thanks for having me back on the second time.

Absolutely.

No-brainer.

well, there's always stuff going on in my life.

Yeah.

You're like, "I'd like to follow you for a day and see all the places you go." I

wanna see your schedule.

That's what I said.

Yeah.

I wanna see it.

Show me your calendar.

A snapshot of her calendar, what the

hell she's doing every day.

It's busy.

So let's talk about what's been going on here in your life.

Well, we kinda-

And we're gonna take down some rabbit holes.

Yeah, I know.

I love the rabbit hole.

So when I was on the last time, we discussed at the very end,

it was kinda just a shout-out, that I have a book coming out.

So that's out.

The Kindle version's out.

Audible's coming, and then the paper back book is going to be

launching at the end of May,

so

that's- It's called Six Figure Chicks?

Six Figure Chicks, so 18 women who are all six-figure chicks-

Yes

… Julie Xander: telling their story because, it's really easy- Oh, that's pretty cool

to look at somebody and go, "Oh, wow, hang on, they're so successful.

how'd they… " And we really break it down and get really authentic

about- how we got there and the struggles that we went through.

Because life doesn't go in a straight line.

Business isn't in a straight line.

There's highs, there's lows, and it can be really tricky.

And I think that's really cool that all these 18 women, including

myself, share what we went through and how we got over those hurdles.

… Scott Leese: it's a great way to- Yeah … to present the information.

I've read, there's a book called Founders at Work about startup founders

and I don't remember how many people, but everybody has their own chapter.

Yeah.

So it's a good way to-

Yeah

…kind of progress, is like I can read about Julie's experience on,

I don't know, one flight, and I don't have to finish like the whole book.

I don't have to remember everything.

And I-

Exactly

… Scott Leese: jump back in the next time and it's like-

It's definitely great marketing.

You got 18 people-

whoever else it is … marketing the book.

That's just- That's awesome that's a no-brainer.

That's smart.

Yeah.

And you're right.

You are so right about that.

We have such limited time that you could read one chapter-

Yeah

… Julie Xander: and put the book down.

And you don't have to remember.

No.

Right?

'Cause now I start over with

Sally's-

Another person's story

or somebody else's or whatever, right?

And you never know how one person's struggle might resonate with

you, and you might just get that one little nugget out of it that helps you,

progress to the next stage of your career.

So give us a glimpse of just a cross-section.

what kind of professions are we representing here?

Oh my gosh, literally every profession you could think

of, from real estate agents to one woman actually coaches for TED Talks.

We have another woman who's a veterinarian.

there's so many, just all walks of life.

But the commonality between all of them is it's, it doesn't matter

what your business is, the hurdles that we go through are very similar.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

And this feeling of not being able to succeed and/or not

being good enough or, you hit these walls and you think, "Can I do this?"

And all of these women have figured out a way to get over it.

That's so cool.

have you all assembled in one place ever-

Yeah

… Mike Lindstrom: other than virtual?

Yeah.

And when we got together, it gives, actually gives me chills.

Wow.

When we got together, I was walking into a room of people

and I'm like, "These are my people."

They're all just so driven and humble at the same time, Yeah.

Just real-

Are they all from here?

They're all from here.

So this one is Scottsdale Volume 2, so there's a Scottsdale Volume 1.

Okay.

So they did two books for Scottsdale because there was

such- so many cool women here.

Yeah.

But now she just launched one in Houston, and

she's got a worldwide one.

She's going global.

That's great.

She's hitting all these different states and pulling together

these entrepreneurial women to talk.

Is there anything beyond the book?

Are you guys gonna do TED Talks, live events-

Gonna go on the road?

Going on the road with it?

Y- Yeah.

Yeah, I mean from a monetary- Yeah

point of view-

You have to go back and watch the last podcast

That's from the last episode, right?

Yeah.

From a monetary point of view.

a lot of opportunities here, though, for real

Oh, there's so much opportunity.

And yes, Mel, Carr is the one that created it, and she is, I think she

just needs more hours in the day.

She's doing so much with it.

And I think it's almost creating a business sorority-

Mm-hmm

… Julie Xander: of sorts that, yes, stay tuned, 'cause I'm

sure it's going to explode.

That's great.

Yeah.

Now, do you guys have another official launch you guys are gonna do in the-

Yeah

summertime?

Yes.

Tell us a little bit about that.

So in May, I'm hoping to do a book signing May 21st at Alice

+ Olivia, which is one of my favorite clothing stores, if we wanna talk fashion.

So we're gonna have an event there, and it'll be a fundraising

event, and we'll sign books there.

So that's gonna be really fun.

What was your favorite part of the contribution, of the process?

I have been bugged by so many people to

write a book, and I'm a talker.

I'm not a writer.

And also to sit my butt down for an amount of time to actually get the words out.

And so this was really a challenge to sit down and write these words on paper.

And in doing so, it was really kind of emotional.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

and I've heard so much feedback from people going, "Wow, that really touched

me, hearing how you did what you did." And also for myself going, "Wow, I did that."

Yeah.

"How did I do that?" Breaking into being an influencer

when I did, when nobody knew what it was, and everybody was looking at

me going, "What is she doing?" And I just kept, plugging along like, "Okay,

you guys say what you wanna say.

I know what I'm doing."

Yeah.

You know what's crazy?

So talking about this whole influencer concept, we talked about on the last

episode, but since we did social media with you, the last month, Scott would

call me up and he goes, "Man, who are these people commenting and liking?"

I'm like, "Buddy, That's what an influencer does." She's got…

And I even called you and I said, "Who the hell are these people?

Do you know these people?" And she's like, "These are my

people." e all support each other.

That's right.

It doesn't matter if, they're in the book or not.

they could be in Europe.

I've seen a lot of European ladies that are doing fashion, that are over there,

"Hey, great stuff, Mike and Scott." I'm like, "Who are you?" But I'm like, wow,

these… You really do have a reach beyond Arizona and Scottsdale when you really

dig into who's looking at your stuff.

Absolutely.

That's powerful.

it is.

Well, that's part of being a badass chick, Yeah.

is just going out there and putting it out there, and so many women are

afraid to do that if we were more authentic, everybody, I don't know,

this world would be a better place.

Yeah.

So those of us who've chosen to share it all, from seeing my butt

to, seeing my face without makeup, to, a bad hair day, to whatever, being really

vulnerable, to sharing my dating stories,

We'll get to that in a minute.

Yeah.

we gotta budget some time for that one.

Yeah.

'Cause we gotta hit to that one.

Yeah.

you got any good hater stories since we spoke last?

Any good haters, commenters, DM-ers?

You always got some good ones.

I know.

you're gonna have to give me more time.

I don't think I-

So people are leaving you alone, that's good.

At the moment.

At the moment.

Yeah.

But you're right, though.

the whole makeup thing, obviously I don't have makeup, but people appreciate that.

She's got no makeup on, boom.

And then you can see her doing everything front to back.

Here's the brush, here's what I do, and then voila.

H- I don't know, hour, half hour, whatever the hell it takes.

Yeah.

Well, how many 51-year-old women go on without any makeup and going this is it?

Yeah.

I am who I am.

I am who I am.

I'm walking my dogs in my pajamas, don't care.

Yeah.

but that's vulnerability.

I just think that so many people struggle in so many ways,

and when you hear other people share their struggles and you resonate with

it, you realize, " I'm not alone.

This isn't just me." And that's a really good feeling.

Yeah.

When you're feeling like, "I am such a loser. I can't do this.

I don't know how to go," and then you hear somebody who's got three jobs,

taking care of their kids, and they're a single mom, and they just fricking

push through, when they're on their last fricking leg, and somehow they

make it over the hump and they succeed-

Yeah

You realize, " Okay, I guess I gotta keep pushing."

Yeah.

So one thing that I got feedback from some of my people from your podcast-

Yeah

…we were on for a full hour or whatever it was on that

Wednesday night, and I, you were talking about yourself, and I said,

"I got a take on you." And you're like, "What's your belief about me?"

And I said, "You're crazy." And then her look on her face is like, "Okay,

where the hell are you going with this?"

we're live.

I said, "You're crazy cool." And when you're crazy cool-

Was this before or after you were dancing?

That

was

after.

After.

Oh, that one.

Okay.

Dude I have to get my, "Hey, hey, hey, That's one of my

favorite songs, Robin Thicke.

I picked it.

Hey, hey, hey.

That's my walk-up song.

Yeah.

the funny thing is I wouldn't say I'm crazy cool.

I think, and maybe I think you know me better now, I am, like, really…

Like, what you see is what you get.

Right.

Right?

I'm pretty even keel.

I just say it like it is, and I just am not interested in what's the word for it?

sugarcoat it.

That's the word I was looking for.

that's true.

You also have to be a little bit crazy to be an

entrepreneur in general, to push yourself with, a crazy schedule.

We were talking before about, "Yeah, I'm so, so, so busy."

Yeah, what is

that crazy- You're doing this, and you're doing that.

It's a drive!

You're right.

You're right.

I mean, listen, my whole family, I have three brothers, and my

parents are native New Yorkers

And my whole family are entrepreneurs.

I don't think I know anything different.

It's like that's what you do.

everybody in my family is… I think I'm the black sheep of my family.

everybody is just uber successful.

so there's a lot of competition, and we're all really driven.

And so it's just a way of life.

I don't think I know any different than that.

So how do you find ways to quiet some of that noise and that chaos

and just be, like, okay with yourself-

That's a-

… Scott Leese: without all of that other stuff going on?

Is there ever quiet in your life?

Yes.

Cause a lot, of people, myself included, I'm used

to go, go, go, and having all sorts of things going on in my life.

And then the moment it gets quiet and calm, it's very uncomfortable.

So that's the thing.

I have really figured that one out.

And actually, I think COVID made me… I'm an extroverted introvert, so I can go out

and talk and be on live and do all the…

But, like, I come home, and I just wanna be home.

And I got to the point with COVID where you can have your groceries

delivered, you can have your clothes delivered, you can have… Right?

I don't have to go anywhere for anything.

So I order everything.

I actually am starting to make myself go out.

Yesterday, I took myself to lunch.

I walked around the Scottsdale Quarter, which I found is very expensive

because I wound up buying stuff.

Including lunch, 'cause I could… I don't care.

Like, I could eat anything, and I'm… I could eat cardboard,

and I'm happy at home.

That I ordered from my Walmart delivery.

Eggs is definitely a staple.

So I am super comfortable at home.

I'm almost too comfortable at home by myself with my four dogs.

So, that's a problem.

So yeah, I… what happens is I do, I'm out all day socializing,

busy, busy, busy, talking, talking, talking, going, going, going.

Working out, that is definitely what keeps the crazy away, so I'm

not crazy cool- I'm just kidding.

I knew it.

That's gonna be From a monetary point of view.

From a crazy cool point of view.

Crazy cool

will stick forever,

at least with us it will.

Um,

it is gonna stick forever.

But the fitness, for anybody out there who has a lot going through your brain,

like I think that is the one thing that just clears it all away for me.

I don't know how people don't work out.

Of course, the way, I love the way it makes me look, but the way it

makes me feel, and I think this is where people get exercising wrong.

Most people exercise to look good, right?

They're like, "I gotta go to the gym so I can lose five pound."

Like I go to the gym, yes, I like the benefits that it makes me look

good, but I would be freaking crazy-

Yeah

I would be absolutely crazy if I didn't.

So that's the one thing, and then the other thing is, like I said, I run around

all day, so I really enjoy coming home.

And the mornings, like I said, I don't really wanna see anybody before 11:00.

I get up.

I have the same routine.

I'm a routine girl.

I have a routine when I go to bed.

I take a bath every night before I go to bed.

Like I have my whole nighttime routine, which is so important.

And my morning routine every morning, I get up.

I, first thing we do is we go out to our, my park, which is

in my backyard for my four dogs.

They run around.

We come in, make breakfast, their breakfast.

We all eat.

Then when we're all fed and I've done all my posting, we go take a walk.

Then we come back.

I do my cardio.

Then I get re- I like a really quiet- Yeah … leisurely morning, and then Pew.

Boy, man.

Then we hit the road and it's off.

It's a good… I gotta borrow that.

The morning-

I would love to have that kind of morning routine.

I would love that.

I don't have that morning routine.

I don't have that at all, man.

I mean, can you have that mor- So there's

some people that can't, right?

Yeah.

They have to be at the office.

They're a nine-to-fiver.

Right.

Oh, my gosh, I could never.

So that's one of the benefits of being an entrepreneur.

Sure.

Right?

Is-

Yep

… Julie Xander: it's your schedule.

You work for you.

I don't have anybody telling me, "You can't curse.

You can't wear this dress, it's too sexy.

You can't do this.

You can't do that." Right?

Like-

I get told that stuff all the time.

Can't curse, can't wear that dress.

You can't go shirtless.

You, you…

Better hair, bro.

What's up with that hair?

Don't show your ass.

It didn't stick.

I mean- So, I think that's why I have to be an entrepreneur.

I teach aerobics.

I've worked for a million companies, and I continue working for them.

I work for a brokerage.

But they're, it's still, you're still kinda independent.

Yeah.

You know?

So I was gonna go backwards a little

bit in terms of, the family.

You were brought up in this entrepreneurship.

But they were traditional.

They didn't have social media back then, your dad, right?

Yeah.

What do they think of all this?

When they see, "Oh, there's Julie doing her thing again," or even when you're

shooting something right there and they're 10 feet away, are they just

used to it now and it's, no big deal?

That's what you do?

Or what's their belief about that?

I'm never shooting when they're around.

Okay.

Maybe it's occasionally with my mom.

But my dad, occasionally I'll see him, looking at my stories and might

be with a bare naked ass, right?

My dad has never said anything.

I know he's really proud of me.

He loved this podcast, by the way.

He watched it.

Wow, thank you.

He watches everything I do.

The book Six Figure Chicks, he read that.

He's definitely a fan of mine.

He couldn't believe how amazing the women were in that book.

Yeah.

he's reading about 18 women, and he was like, "Wow, this

is really incredible." but I have asked him, trying to grow my business.

I'm like, "Dad, help me." He's like, "I don't know anything about this.

I can't help you with this.

I don't get it."

Yeah.

This world is so different.

Well, the tough part-

Yeah

I think is is trying to figure out how you scale yourself.

Yeah

Because you are the-

The brand

… Scott Leese: product.

Yeah.

The

brand If it's

not me.

It's like a surgeon, right?

Of everything.

If I'm not doing the surgery, I'm not making the money.

Right.

If I'm not engaging and doing the video-

So you have to find ways to diversify or increase your pricing.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

And find ways to monetize that, that don't require so much time and energy.

Right.

Or from a monetary point of view-

From a monetary point of view-

…she takes some of these relationships where she gets a lot

of free stuff and says, "You know what?

Those days are over.

We're gonna start charging-

Yeah

…a lot of money for the promotions-

Right

…i'm doing for you."

Y'all hearing that?

Yeah.

My brand.

Yeah, yeah.

We did mention that a little bit on the last time.

We said, "Hey, give us a weekend. We'll figure it out."

It's true.

in my world, when you consult, the first thing they come to

you with is, like, equity.

Yeah.

Right?

That, maybe that's the version of, like, here's some clothes or whatever.

in the beginning I was like, "Oh, that, that's pretty sweet.

Like, that could become something really lucrative." And now I'm like, "Oh, just

fuck you, pay me." I don't, I don't wanna, I don't wanna wait 10 years for

your equity to maybe become something-

Yeah

… Scott Leese: or whatever.

It's like, "No, I want some cash-

Yeah

actually, right now.

I don't want your swag.

I want some cash."

Right.

Show me the money.

Show me the money.

But it's hard to scale yourself when you are the brand.

Yeah.

I have that problem.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do too.

I think the bigger challenge for you though is you've set the tone because

you are so abundant, and you've been so gracious and amazing to your

people, it's hard for you to pivot.

but if you just put a line in the sand and say, "Okay, these are my veteran

clients or my legacies, but here forward, here's what it's gonna be."

Yeah, yeah.

That's not hard.

But going back to people who are used to certain things, that's harder.

You limit the access to you a little bit.

and I don't want to.

Right.

Like, I love them.

I, they've all become my friends.

Right.

I like helping them.

I like helping them.

Yeah.

But that just goes back to from a monetary point of view,

I hate asking for mo- I hate money.

Oh, yeah.

Let's go back to I hate money.

Oh, yeah.

Yep.

I hate asking for money.

So there's a boy that in my brokerage, one of the realtors sent out a mass

email and said, "Hey, my daughter knows this family in Colorado.

Four-year-old boy has brain cancer."

Oh.

they're coming to Mayo to get treatment.

We really need a three-bedroom.

If somebody could donate a condo, a casita, a house."

I had just bought a condo, a three-bedroom condo that I was going to lease out.

But I hadn't done it yet.

I'd just purchased it.

So I called my mom first and I said, "Mom, I just got this email.

What do you think?

should I call him and tell him I have this place?" And my mom's like, "Really?

You're gonna do that?" I go, "Well, I mean, I have this

condo and nobody's in it.

Like, why wouldn't I do that?" And she's like, "Really?"

Yeah.

I go, "Yeah." So anyways, I called them up.

Wow.

Called up the realtor, and they're, right

now he's receiving treatment.

He's living, they're living in my condo for free-

That's wild.

That's nice of you.

… Julie Xander: until the treatment's done.

But for me, I just pay it forward.

Yeah.

That's powerful.

Thank you for sharing that.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a really cool story.

Yeah, I texted with the guy last night, so.

How old's the young boy, if you don't mind me asking?

He's four.

Four years old.

How i- how is he?

Yeah,

he's four.

Oh my God.

Just breaks my heart.

Four years old.

They have a four-year-old and a year old, nine-month-old.

it's unbelievable.

Oh my God.

God bless you.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Everybody say a prayer.

All right.

So we've been talking a little bit, and trust me, we're friends.

I'm not her coach, she's not my coach- … but we've been coaching

each other, the dating world.

Last time you were here, you talked about some things were

happening in your dating life.

They were… But there's other things that have transpired.

So let's let you tell the facts first, and then we'll start diving into

some of the stuff about being single.

Ah.

What happened?

So

I think everybody thought this is the guy.

Okay.

They're seeing pictures of him.

Of course, I had the haters going, "Why are you posting him?" And

I'm like, "You know, it's my life.

You guys are following it." And I know I have so many cheer… Really,

truly, actually, at the end of the day, it's nice, I really do have so

many cheerleaders that are, like, waiting for me to find the guy. Yeah.

So everybody, every time I see somebody now, they're like, "Dang, what happened?

I thought he was the one."

I was like, " "Oof, me too," but no.

you start dating somebody, and th- you put your best foot forward.

Everybody does.

And then slowly, as the relationship goes on, people start relaxing into

who they really are, which gosh, could we just be who we are from the get-go?

Mm-hmm.

Like, You don't have to worry.

I show up as me.

Crazy cool.

Yeah.

And so the control issues, like you didn't push your chair in.

you left water on the counter.

You gonna leave that there?

Or, your makeup wipe, I was rushing to get ready to go out to dinner, was next

to the garbage, not in the garbage.

I'm not a slob.

let's be clear, I am not a slob.

However, three kids, four dogs later, you gotta let stuff go.

Right.

And when I was raising my kids and they were little,

I was a perfectionist because I was married to a perfectionist.

I would be like, "Okay, kids, we're not going to school

because your bed's not made.

We're not going to school 'cause your outfit doesn't match.

We're not going to school.

you'll be late, I don't care.

This house has to be perfect, and you have to look perfect." And

damn, my kids, they looked perfect.

Yeah.

But we were miserable.

All of us were miserable.

It's exhausting.

It's exhausting.

Very.

It's exhausting just thinking about it.

Yeah, it is.

It's ex- And, right, like you, you both have kids, right?

Like when they're babies, they spill their Cheetos on the floor, and then

they step on it when they're getting out, and there's just disaster, right?

Yeah.

And you go get the car washed, and five minutes later they're crying.

So what do you do?

You hand them the bag of Cheetos, and all over again.

And I had a counselor and she said to me, " So what happens- If you

leave the house and the beds aren't made, is anybody coming over?

what's the answer?

Like, no.

So is anybody gonna see it?

I'm like, no.

So really, what's the problem here?

Like-

Do you still make the bed?

I would make my kids make it.

No, so

I- What about now?

No, I make my bed.

I make my bed.

You make your bed?

No.

You don't?

For real?

Not very often.

All right.

Just checking.

I'd say two times a week.

All right, just checking.

That's fair enough.

Fair enough.

I do make my bed, primarily because I love the

way my bed looks when it's made.

Yeah.

It's the first win of the day.

Yeah.

First win of the day is making the bed.

Right.

That there is that Instagram about-

Yeah

… Julie Xander: the military guy.

Yeah.

He says it.

And I feel like that with my workouts too.

when you start the day off right, that just goes back to

my whole routine in the morning.

But that was the moment that I realized that you gotta choose your

battles, and it was making all of us miserable, and it really didn't matter.

Granted, if I was having company over at my house, you better

believe everything will be perfect.

But day to day, if my house isn't perfect, who's here to see it?

Mm-hmm.

So I just realized, that control piece, I can't be with

somebody that I have to tiptoe around.

I'm not gonna tiptoe around my house.

I'm not gonna tiptoe around another person's house.

life is meant to be lived and enjoyed.

And when you start trying to c- nitpick and control all

those little things, no thanks.

Yeah.

So one other question that came up in our conversation piece is, this

is a big topic for a lot of people, is drinking in a relationship.

Yeah.

Some people do, some people don't.

I mean, I've had people tell me, "Mike, I like to have a drink from time to

time, but I could never date that guy 'cause he's bone sober guy and does his

12-step program. It just won't work. I'm not an alcoholic, but I just can't be

around that." So the, and vice versa.

Straight, right, straight… This is where-

So-

… Julie Xander: dating at our age gets to be really hard because you're trying to

combine when you're younger and you kinda decide together, and you grow together.

Like, this is what we find is normal, If you're both partiers,

then, and hopefully you grow and you figure out what that looks like.

But at this point, My lifestyle is health and wellness And I

really understand moderation.

But what I've found with these guys is they don't have moderation.

They drink way too much, but then they're like, "But I work out." But it

doesn't… Just because you work out doesn't take away all that alcohol.

Mm-hmm.

And, staying out late and just drinking till you feel

like crap, and then what it does to the sex life and what it does to

intimacy And it ruins the next day.

And moreover, the biggest thing that I just can't wrap my head

around is how unhealthy they look.

Mm-hmm.

Like, their skin shows it, and they get sick way more often.

Because let's face it, if you're drinking that much alcohol, you're

not getting the appropriate sleep.

If you're not getting the appropriate sleep, your body's

not healing the way it should.

Your immune system is depleted-

Depleted, yeah

… Julie Xander: and you're gonna-

Yeah

get sick.

But how do you… But you knew in advance that the guy did drink,

so what's the rules of engagement in the dating world anymore- Well, that's the

thing … if you're not being single.

Moder-

But how do you do that anymore?

… Julie Xander: Moderation.

But do you ask upfront on the first date, you're

like, "Hey, buddy, tell me your deal.

Don't bullshit me.

How much do you drink per week?"

No.

Do you get it out of the way upfront, or do you kinda

watch it and see how it morphs?

I mean, what's the rules on that?

Yeah, I don't know.

I guess I'm learning more as we go here because, I've now had two

really, guys that are just alcoholics.

But the- and they look different.

But the biggest thing is, though, if you put on your

profile any of these, I'd say smoker-

No alcoholic

… Mike Lindstrom: nonsmoker.

Yeah.

Okay, that's a fair question.

But now you say, moderate drinker or whatever.

But what does that really mean to people anymore?

Well, I think that most people are in denial

that they are alcoholics.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And because if they're functioning, right?

Yeah.

"I get up and I work out every day. I'm not an

alcoholic." Okay, you had, six drinks last night, every night.

every night is Saturday night.

Two bottles of wine, buddy.

You had two bottles of wine last night.

Well- That's a big deal.

That's a Tuesday-

Yeah, that, that-

… Scott Leese: for some people

… Mike Lindstrom: but I was with my friends.

Yeah.

It was a social

night.

But that's the way, that's the way it's justified, right?

Right.

It's justified.

For so many people.

Right, it's justified.

Yeah.

And it's funny because there's two different viewpoints.

One was like, "I'm gonna go out and get lit tonight," and the other

one's just like, "I'm just enjoying my wine," times four bottles.

Yeah.

Right?

So and when you meet, I think the alcohol takes the pressure

off a little bit, right?

Mm-hmm.

It kinda loosens up your inhibitions.

You're feeling a little nervous.

Makes you a little more relaxed.

it just makes it easier to connect.

Sure.

Let your hair down a little bit.

So there's that.

So I think in the beginning of a relationship, people

maybe drink a little bit more.

Even I think I drink a little bit more.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

But then you realize, oh, wait, that wasn't

just getting to know you drinking.

That's just you.

That's who you are, and that's how you show up.

And I just am like, "That's not me."

Yeah.

"It's not my lifestyle." But I don't mind somebody who drinks.

I like to have a drink.

Yeah, sure.

I like to have a couple drinks.

I think it's- it's social, right?

It's, it makes a dinner longer.

It makes-

It's part of our culture.

I mean, let's be real.

Yeah.

the younger generations have definitely

have a different view on it.

Yeah.

Like arcades, if you will.

a lot of them don't drink.

the thing that I think about as a single person is if I'm going to

meet somebody new, I'm 48 years old, so I have, I don't know, 30, 40 years left.

Who knows how long?

Don't I want to be healthy with you and have you be as

healthy as possible for the rest

Oh my gosh.

of the amount of time we have left?

Okay.

Yeah.

So thank you for saying that.

So like I would Be choosing a particular lifestyle because

I wanna maximize my time with you-

Yeah

Okay, I lo-

… Scott Leese: if we were together

I really love that you said that because I had that conversation,

not with this last one, but before.

I said, "I love you, and I want you around."

Right.

I want you around as long as I can have you."

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

"And you're not taking care of yourself, I would think that you would

wanna take care of yourself for me."

For me, yeah.

And he-

Yeah

… Julie Xander: I mean, granted, you could walk outside and

get hit by a bus tomorrow.

Sure.

Totally.

Okay.

But you can decrease the odds a little bit.

Right.

I don't have to purposely engage in behaviors or activities-

Reckless behavior.

yeah

… Scott Leese: that we know are going to limit my time on the planet.

So true.

And so-

Right?

… Julie Xander: his point was, " If you're not living, you're dying, and

I'm gonna live my life to the fullest every single day period." and that

made me go, "Okay, well, I also don't wanna take care of you because you're

a stroke or a heart attack victim.

And now I'm gonna be taking care of an invalid for the rest of my life."

Right.

I watched my father-in-law have stroke after heart attack

after stroke after heart attack.

I mean, he just kept declining-

Yeah

until he died, and it was miserable.

And-

Yeah

his wife was his caretaker.

I think it's, It sounds cool-

Mm-hmm

… Scott Leese: crazy cool to say, "I'm just gonna live my life all this way," but it's

actually extremely selfish 'cause you're not thinking about the collateral damage.

You're not thinking about the people who are next to you that

have to clean up the fucking mess.

Yeah.

Bingo.

So if I go nuts the whole time and I'm living my life, but then the

last five, six years of my life I'm on dialysis or I've, I'm going through hell-

Yeah

… Scott Leese: now I've just signed you up to be my caretaker-

Well, and he said,

… Scott Leese: for god knows how long

… Julie Xander: "Well, I'll kill myself before that."

Oh, that's good.

Right.

That's a good strategy.

Well, I mean, respectfully, that might've been a red flag that you-

… might, maybe should have left that-

Right, right

… Scott Leese: a little sooner potentially.

Well, that really… You know what?

that was the end.

Yeah.

'Cause I'm like, "You don't care about me enough to want to be around

for me, so, where do I fit in this?"

Yeah.

So what's gonna be the new rule then?

So now that you've had-

That's a good question

… Mike Lindstrom: people in your life, family, haters, and otherwise,

your advocates saying, "Why are you putting this guy out there?"

So now you're an influencer.

Do you have a new rule and say, "Hey, I'm not putting any guy

on any of my social until it's the six-month mark," until what?

I mean, what's the new rule of engagement?

That's a really good question.

I, I think it's still the same, and I'll tell you why.

Because for all the haters out there that are like, "Julie, why

are you posting," people follow me.

Like I said, I feel like after this breakup, or even during, while I was

dating him, I had so many people reaching out going, "I'm so happy for you.

You deserve this.

You are the best person I know.

I really hope this works." And then when they all of a sudden didn't see him- They

were like, "Oh my gosh, what happened?

I'm so sorry."

I thought that.

I thought that same thing.

Yeah.

So, my followers are following my life.

Mm-hmm.

They really are.

Mm-hmm.

they wanna see what's going on in my life.

and they are, for the most part, cheer- I do have my haters, but for

the most part they're my cheerleaders.

They see, where I've come from and where I'm, what I'm trying to accomplish.

And, I was just having this conversation that, I can work

really hard with my business and get where I wanna go with my business.

I can work really hard on my body.

I can do all the longevity and, But I can't make a relationship happen.

Mm-hmm.

I can't.

Yeah.

And that's hard for somebody who makes shit happen, pardon my French.

Yeah.

I'm a person that makes things happen.

GSD, baby.

Get shit done.

Get shit done.

And- I'm a doer.

Yeah.

and I do what it takes to get things done.

But it doesn't matter in this arena what I do.

Yeah.

I can't make a relationship appear.

So are you doing matchmaking at all?

Ugh.

Are you on Tinder or anything?

Okay, to the man who's been married for 100 years.

Scott, do you wanna pipe in?

Me?

I don't- I know what I'd do.

Yeah.

I'd do nothing.

By the way, let's go ahead and flip- let's

go ahead and flip the script.

Yeah.

Scott, do tell.

I'd do nothing

… Mike Lindstrom: Do tell!

I'd do nothing.

I'd do nothing.

we'll we'll wrangle Scott in.

So this is actually a really great topic.

Yep.

Because I have worked with a ton of matchmakers, and I have

paid a matchmaker one time.

it's fraudulent-

Mm-hmm

… Julie Xander: pretty much.

I shouldn't say that.

that's a little bit harsh.

Yeah.

But I paid… I think that this company is fraudulent, so you can

message me and I'll tell you who it is.

Then there are all these other matchmakers.

The reality of it is, and I love Brandon.

I do a weekly show with him on dating, and he has incredible information.

He's a super smart guy, and he deals with pretty much billionaires.

And these billionaires want to 3D print…

Just like I'm telling you, I can make shit happen.

These billionaires, they can make shit happen.

And so they pay Brandon, and they say, "Make shit happen.

I'm paying you to do this.

And I want her to be five foot tall with triple D boobs." "I want her to

hike, bike, snow ski, water ski, cook my dinner, be a chef, be an Olympic

swimmer and a massage therapist."

And-

Super realistic.

Yeah.

And he'll go out, and he will find women that fit what

he's looking for and that would be willing, and there are a lot of

women who are willing, to give this man all those things for a price.

Yep

I can't.

no.

Not only that, but, it, the 60-year-old billionaire,

he wants a 40-year-old, right?

So what does that, where does that put me?

That puts me at a 50-year-old with a 70-year-old.

Yeah, and then you're a caretaker for sure.

Yeah, right.

And so, and for me it's not about the money, again-

yeah

… Julie Xander: from a monetary point of view.

I just don't, I don't work from that place.

so anyways, but even still, there is no magic.

he can go out and he can try to find women that fit this mold, but at the end of

the day, chemistry is an unknown thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What makes people connect and work, unless you're

strictly a gold digger and you're like, "I'll take anything,"

'cause i- and it's a transaction.

That's not chemistry anymore, that's math.

Okay, that's math.

And

it's- Yeah, and AI now is doing it.

AI is literally creating these algorithms that are… They've been

around, match.com, these are the ones that have their own algorithm.

Yeah.

But they've gotten more beefed up, where you can get pretty close, but That

chemistry piece is, cannot replace that.

It's a vibe you get immediately when you see that person, when you go to dinner

with them, when you get a feeling.

You gotta trust your gut.

Mm-hmm.

We're gonna have to have, we'll have to have a whole

segment on Julie's dating life.

Well, it's kinda like you, 'cause you have something that's

about business on Wednesday, you do something with Brandon on dating.

Yep.

Right?

What are some of the other ones you do?

Just to let everybody know.

Oh my gosh, let's see.

Well, I have my workout.

Yep.

I do a workout once a week.

I have "Making Money, Making Friends" once a week.

I have my dating show once a week.

I have "Car Talk," talking real estate once a week.

Yep,

Real estate.

That's a real estate one.

Yep.

But that's 'cause you're in a car, that's why-

Yeah, Car talk.

Okay.

But we ta- What, what is your partner's name again?

Robert.

Robert, yeah.

Yeah, everybody thinks we're married.

…and you're talking about real estate, and

they're just walking up to a beautiful house in Paradise Valley.

Yeah.

Where else?

Anything else?

I did have a, oh, I did have a hater.

From that?

From real estate.

A real estate hater?

Yeah, I had a real estate hater, so…

Geez.

Yeah.

Of all people.

So we posted, we were talking about this, million, $5 million

house, 7,000 square feet, brand new.

Brand new.

What do people want most in a house?

What are the two most important things for a woman, let's say

a woman- Okay … in a house?

Kitchen.

Kitchen and?

Bath or closet.

Bingo.

From a guy-

Yeah

… Julie Xander: who's been married for a long time.

My wife-

Good job

… Mike Lindstrom: My wife coaches me.

She has her own closet.

Well done.

Bingo.

Okay, so we walk into this brand-new house, so you can't mess it up,

'cause it's- … you just built it.

It's not like you were dealing with walls and you ha- only ha- Right

so 7,000 square feet, And it was a beautiful home, and I said it was a

beautiful home, but we walk into the primary suite, you can't say master

anymore, and we go into the closet, and I go, "Okay, where's the other

closet?" There was no other closet.

Oh, boy.

It was small.

And so we're having hard talk, and we're saying, l- listen,

we went into this house.

It was a really beautiful house.

We get to the primary, and they really messed up.

And this woman just, she just wrote me a new one.

She was like-

Was she the listing agent?

No.

She was some woman who lives in Paradise Valley, and beautiful homes are all

around her, and Paradise Valley realtors are so lovely, gee, why are these

Paradise Valley realtors so lovely?

Because they're trying to get your business.

Right.

At least you know, and I… Listen, it's my opinion.

We weren't saying the house wasn't beautiful, but I think this is a problem

on this size of a house, and I'm gonna be honest, if I'm showing somebody…

Listen, if they're, if this is their third home and they're gonna be here one week

out of the whole year, who cares, right?

Yeah.

They're gonna bring their clothes.

They're gonna hang it in one spot.

Yeah.

But if you're gonna live in this house, and for resale, if

somebody wants to live in this house-

Yeah

… Julie Xander: if they can afford a $5 million house-

And my wife would hire you over that lady who hated on you because

she wouldn't want to waste her time going to that home 'cause she heard your

commentary, which nailed exactly her top two values Which is a kitchen and a closet

So your authenticity pays off.

Thank you.

So you're filtering the leads.

Yeah, I said, "Listen, we'll agree to disagree."

Yeah.

I just said, "Listen, I'm sorry you're having a really bad day."

w- that's a good one.

Y- we had a hater and you said something, what'd you say?

Oh.

Keyboard warrior?

What'd you, like-

Yeah

He's picking a fight with one of our haters.

I'm like, "Dude, just cancel him."

you know, most you know the time know I just

let it go, but every now and then I just feel like-

I know, I get there too

… Mike Lindstrom: Yeah, he punched back.

But you gotta punch back a little bit.

You can't just-

Sometimes I

do … go

out there and

do nothing … well, sometimes I do.

I just said, "Listen," I said, "It was a really beautiful house.

It's my opinion.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day.

I hope it gets better." She's like, "Actually, I'm having a really good day."

I just, whatever.

And I said, "Okay."

Great.

All right, so where do we find you?

Tell us all your socials, name, website, all that stuff-

Okay

… Mike Lindstrom: all the stuff you got coming out.

Lifestyle Jules, J-U-L-E-S.

Everybody thinks jewelry.

No, my name's Julie, so it's Lifestyle J-U-L-E-S, Lifestyle Jules, on

Instagram, on YouTube, on TikTok, on LinkedIn, on Facebook, and my

website lifestylejules.com, and yeah.

Run the Jules, baby.

Run the Jules.

Run the Jules.

And the paperback or hardcover of the book-

Yeah

… Scott Leese: comes out?

So right now it's available on Amazon, the Kindle version.

The Audible's coming out soon, this month.

And end of May is the paperback book.

Great.

Awesome.

We'll have you back on.

We love having you on, and thank you so much for everything-

Oh, come on, anytime

and supporting.

No, we're supporting each other-

Yeah, love it

…I really appreciate that.

Yeah, it's okay.

All right, signing off.

That's another episode with What's Your Story.

My man, Scott Lease, Mike Lindstrom, Julie Zander.

Thanks for tuning in.